Dear Reader,
After a rousing day of lectures--on the off chance you weren't there we started with the male reproductive system where we learned (among many other things) that men produce approximately 1000 sperm per heartbeat and ended with how to talk to patients about domestic violence--I was faced with the reality that I would be spending the rest of my Valentine's Day studying and as I trudged down to my lab, I had pretty much convinced myself that this day was going to end up on that ever-growing list of bad ones.
To make matters worse, as I opened my neuroanatomy book, I came to the sad conclusion that not only would I be studying alone tonight, but that I would most likely be alone for--at the bare minimum--the next couple months. You see, I had recently been entertaining the idea of dating someone, but over the weekend had come to the sad conclusion that I just don't have the time or energy to start something new right now. In two weeks we'll be taking our third week-long round of exams and, after making my to-do list, I realized that for the next three weeks I'm barely going to have enough time to average six hours of sleep per night, let alone fit in time to hang out with a guy. Plus, even after exams are over we'll only have one three-day weekend before we begin our fourth block. And I mean, even the most understanding guy would not likely be thrilled if I said to him, "Ok, so we can't see each other for the next three weeks. And really, I don't even have enough time to text or call. But three weeks from now we can maybe spend a day together but then I have to go back to seeing you maybe one night a week for another two months. But once summer rolls around we can totally see each other as often as you'd like except when I'm shadowing..." But the truth is, that's all I can really offer right now.
And so, at this point in our story, I'm on the verge of tears and feeling incredibly lonely and am just about to add today to that ever-growing list of bad days I mentioned earlier. But then the thought occurred to me: Why does today have to be a bad day? Obviously there are a lot of reasons I could label it as a bad day (such as all the ones I mentioned so far), but really, I'm in medical school at the university that I know--beyond a shadow of a doubt--is the perfect fit for me. I have an amazing group of friends. Despite all of the things I now know of that can go wrong with a body, I'm healthy. And, yes, I may be single, but, on the bright side, that means I really don't have any drama in my life and, when I find myself with free time, I can use it to care for myself and do things like exercising or making myself a nice dinner.
And, so, in conclusion, I have decided that today is going to go on the list of good days. After all, even though I might sometimes say I'd like to be somewhere else (like on a beach in the French Riviera), the truth is I'm right where I want/need to be. And, in all honesty, I would most likely be miserable if I were out of school and leading a life of leisure--I'm too much of a workaholic to be satisfied with something like that for very long. And so I'm off to study and maybe if I really focus well I'll work out later and make myself a nice dinner.
Until next time.
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